Earlier this afternoon while sitting, no... standing, no... moving all around to pack, the overwhelming, nerve shaking, finger trembling, feeling of one million tiny butterflies flapping two million wings (yes, two million because if there were one million butterflies each has two wings, therefore that makes two million wings) inside my belly hit me like never before. This wasn't like I ate some bad chicken, or I was trying to get out of a test kind of tummy ache. This was deeper inside of me then most feelings, it was hidden so far down inside that light had only barley glimpsed over this place one before, but not for long, and now it was like someone took a giant spot light and was shinning it directly into this place down in the pits of my inner self. And it scared me, because at first I didn't know what this strange feeling could be.
So I went on with my gathering of stuff, trying to pack to move to a place that I have never been before. And it's not like Im going for week so if I forget something its ok...nope I have a one way ticket to California, I can take one suit case, a back pack and a guitar. Some how I have to squeeze my entire life (not to mention clothes) in just that!
As I started folding and putting pictures aside that I wanted to take with me, it came again... the feeling. The more pictures I looked at the larger the feeling grew. What the heck could it be. It finally got to the point where I had to break down stop packing and cry out to the only person who can see deeper inside of my soul then anyone else. While laying on my face...
not so much out of reverence (although I wish I was that devout) more out of the fact that when I felt the need to cry out to God I was in the middle of reaching for something under my bed that required the full flat stomached stretch...
God reminded me of a quote I had read not too long ago.
"The spiritual life is first of all life,
it is not merely something
to be known and studied, it is to be lived."
- Thomas Merton-
I believe the deep feeling inside my inner most self was the eruption of change. Not only is my location about to change but my entire life is going to change. The people, my day to day activity, even the time zone. And not only is my life about to change but most of my friends lives are about to change as well. As people graduate, move to their own cities, pursue their own dreams, a generation of my friends are about to fly towards their dreams of changing the world! The more and more I thought about that fact the more the feeling of change switched from fear, terror, and sickly to joy, excitement, celebration and pure happiness! My friends, my peers, people my age are about to all head into this big big world and do something to impact it in ways that will undoubtedly change the face of this earth for ever!
Some will get married, some have children, others will move to cities to pursue dreams of music and acting. A couple will become doctors, physical therapist, even high powered lawyers. Many will inspire another generation to do something with this gift of life, and a few will move to the ends of the earth to BE love to people different from them. But one thing rings true through each souls dream...CHANGE. Their change now will cause an effect of change on this world that will then in turn cause a change on another soul and then inevitably cause a change to the future.
I got really happy thinking about the idea of this chain reaction happening all over the nations, but still one thing was so unsettling. I have had numerous conversations with each one of my friends searching to figure out their dreams and each ends in the sentence... "But how do we know what God wants?" And then as clear as the rain dripping down my window pain it hit me. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT GOD! WHAT WONDER IS IT THAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND? IF WE UNDERSTAND THEN IT'S NOT GOD.
God may be a mystery in many aspects of who He is but one thing we can take tremendous hope in is that through all of our inevitable change, God remains the same...Faithful, love, mercy, power, holy, true, king, father, grace, righteous, joy, patient, bold, zealous, justice, glory, perfect, refuge, teacher, light, good, hope, peace, comfort and the list goes on and on, forever and ever...Because He is God.
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